Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
