The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
