literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
