Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
