at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
