it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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