weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize