I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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