i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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