yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
