Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm just crazy horny about you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
