I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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