i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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