Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
