I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
