Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
