Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My balls are so social today.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
