Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
