just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize