just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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