The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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