Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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