what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
