and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
