remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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