I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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