The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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