this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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