The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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