im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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