i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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