my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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