Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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