Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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