is your mom at the bar?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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