I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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