I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do vagina's smell?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
