remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize