i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we're making bets on your personal life
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
