yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
