Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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