Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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