i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize