4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
