Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
