I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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