When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
