Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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