He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
