Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
