lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
