All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize