you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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