rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize