ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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