Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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