smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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