Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
