Can i not drive my cunt home
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
