New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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