If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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