she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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