I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
