i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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