Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
