He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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