I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
