the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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