I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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