just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
