please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
