i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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