At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
