I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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