no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
