You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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