dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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