I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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