i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
