butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
