need another drink. this is the easiest way
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
