i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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