remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
