I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
