I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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