operation harelip BJ is a go
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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