She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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