Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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