mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
