you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
