i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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