im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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