Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
