If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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