They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ugly people sure do ruin things
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
