LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
