My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
