Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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