me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
