Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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