Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
