this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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