Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I didn't notice because vodka
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
