So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
