normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
